Do Not Write These Stories

So while I should be doing a thousand other things, I got a little distracted clicking through various blogs I sometimes (i.e. everyday) read as a form of procrastination.

During said process, I came across this page: Horror Stories We Have Seen Too Often.  "This list is part of the submission guidelines for Strange Horizons, an online speculative fiction magazine." Basically a list of plots and subplots that this magazine feels is over done.  Some of these I also think I have seen too often, and I'm not even in the business of reading through hundreds of story submissions.

1. Serial killer or vampire stalks and slays victim(s). --  Now I do like serial killer and vampire stories, but yeah market is the definition of oversaturated right now. 
2. Alien creature lays eggs under the skin of a human (#12 on their list) -- Uh, yeah b/c it is gross and creepy.  I don't think personally I have read too many such stories, but I can see why it is on their list.

But ok, that isn't actually the point of the post; the point (if there is one at all) is about #3:

Protagonist sits around for a while.

1. In the end, it turns out protagonist is dead.
2. In the end, it turns out protagonist is a serial killer.

Seriously?  People have written so many "protagonist sits around for a while" stories that it is now on a list of "things not to do."?  How could anyone ever think that was a good idea for a storyline?
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R.I.P news:  Reading The Haunting of Hill House. Wow is this ever one of those instances where Hollywood should have left the book alone.  Shirley Jackson's writing is amazing.  More on this book soon. 

Oh and I have read book #3, but I have to figure out how to review it.  I finished (weeks ago) The Castle of Otranto, but I'm not sure what I have to say that hasn't already been said-- seeing as how it was written in 1764.  It is also, supposedly, the first Gothic novel. 

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Ok ok, so sorry this post is random, I just have to add something this list is much funnier. Especially:

35. Twee little fairies with wings fly around being twee. 

Proof of Life

I'm around, just haven't been posting, but here are some of the things I have been up to (not in chronological order):

• Saw Obama speak, well sort of, I guess I heard him over speakers with about a block in between us. So I didn't get to see his sparkly charismatic eyes (sorry the latter being a random inside joke).

• Finished a presentation that I was conned into giving.  I think it will be good, or at least sort of entertaining, since a large part of it is me forcing people to listen to Ukrainian folk music.  And also it will be good if I can get all the tech stuff right.  I am honestly hopeless. 

• Gave up Facebook.  Sort of.  I broke my ban to post about my crazy neighbors who may have actually been ghosts that live in the terrifying closet inside of my closet (long story).

• Mustered up the energy to at least look at my grant proposal.  How the hell does one go from a 6 page bibliography to a 2 pg one?  For one second being deadly serious - if anyone has advice on this point I am all ears.

• Checked out ten gazillion books from the library, and started them all.  This is actually linked to the above point.  I have serious school avoidance issues right now probably linked to anxiety.

• Watched Paranormal Activity.  I wasn't impressed.  Well, I was sort of, but lets be honest, I am a sucker for hauntings.  All such movies even bad ones scare me.  I recognize this, still watch them, and yet I think am still aware enough of the ridiculousness of my reaction to be able to say that P.A wasn't a particularly good movie.  (Does that last sentence even make sense?)

• learned a new word, which I really want to find a way to use in random conversation: contumely: insolent or insulting language or treatment; rudeness or contempt arising from arrogance

That is my life recently in a nutshell.  There is a longer list of things I haven't managed to accomplish, but  hey I am trying optimism (sort of) today.  So, what have all the rest of you been up to?

Review: Berserk

By Tim Lebbon
(mostly spoiler free except where noted)

Summary:  Tom has lost his son to a military training exercise 10 years before the book begins.  Near the anniversary of his son's - Steven - death, Tom overhears a conversation that renews his uneasiness about the government's story regarding the "accident" that supposedly killed Steven.  He pursues a vague set of clues and rumors that lead him to a military cover up, a horrifying secret, and new information about his son's fate.

What I Liked:  After a slightly slow beginning the pace of the story picked up - it was quite an action packed adventure.  Some of the ideas in the book were fairly creative, especially the background information.  The writing wasn't the worst and Lebbon is decent at conveying visuals to the reader.  The ending wasn't totally obvious and there were a few unexpected twists.

Now then, why are all my positive comments so trivial?

Things that Annoyed Me:  Foremost, at the beginning, the "interrupting narrator" voice (maybe there is a more technical term for this?).  By way of example, I mean the foreshadowing of horror to come, "But if he had only known then what was to come later..."  In small doses fine, I guess the technique serves to build atmosphere.  However, Lebbon over did it a bit and several times bordered on the melodramatic.  Thankfully this was only a problem for the first quarter or so of the book.

The main character Tom is seriously lame.  He spent a lot of time whining, saying "Oh God" or "I am confused."  You might count the times someone in that book says "confused" and come up with a ridiculously high number.  Find another word please.  At the opposite end where Tom is pathetic and annoying, Cole - the main antagonist (sort of) - is too much of a bad ass.  He gets away with unbelievably crazy behavior, not sure how he made it to the end of the book.  I will admit that Lebbon did try to give both characters some depth, but I don't think he succeeded very well.  In fact, many of the characters in Berserker had inconsistent personalities especially Natasha - another main character who has a rather ambiguous role in Lebbon's story.

Spoilerish problems:

There is this thing with categories.  I am all for blurring boundaries, being creative, rethinking old cliches, but the author tried way too hard to create a monster that was everything scary he could possibly think of; traits of vampires, werewolves, and ghosts.  In addition, he threw in scary science gone wrong, psychic powers, mind control, and viruses in combination with creepy military programs and conspiracy theories.  Not to mention psychotic/terrifying children (see cover).  My Quote of the Moment (top to your right) is rather perfect here.  Honestly, there were just too many things going on for it to be enjoyable. 

Finally, if you are going to use "science" to explain away the supernatural, I need to be convinced.  This might merely be a personal problem, but the vagueness of some sort of man made super-monster turned into infectious vampire creating machine seems like a cop out to me.  A random reference here and there to syringes and military secret programs gone wrong is not enough.  I want to know more about where these creatures came from.  And here is where I think the background story was more interesting than the one Lebbon actually told.  I think had he backed the story up and not done the "10 years after" thing, I might have liked it a lot more.

3/5
(btw, I am probably way more generous with stars when it comes to horror than with other genres)

You Should Watch This

By now most of you probably know about my semi-obsession with the band DakhaBrakha.  I personally think they are the most amazing Ukrainian band I have ever heard.*  They play mostly what I would call "folk" music, but what they refer to as "ethno-chaos."  I wrote a paper about them for my ethnomusicology class, so I have both an academic and a personal interest. 

Anyway, the point of all of this is to say that you should watch this video:
http://vimeo.com/14950124

The song and the video are both beautiful.  Sorry, I don't off the top of my head have a translation for the title, nor can I tell you what the song is about exactly.  If I thought about it more I would tell you about how the imagery and the lyrics (in other songs) have clear connections to Romantic Nationalism, modernity, nostalgia, and avant garde**.  But not today.  I will add, however, that I find the video a tad bit creepy, especially starting around 4:50. 

Enjoy!!

*But never seen - they have a tendency to be in places either right before or right after I am there.  It is very sad.  Although, I did see Nina (if you watch the video she is the girl with the braids) in L'viv during the summer. 
**The band originated at the Center for Contemporary Arts in Kyiv (DAKH). 

Review: Daybreakers

I am going to keep this short.*  I really liked this movie.  I know pop culture is over saturated with vampires these days in all forms - sparkly, law enforcing, vicious, loveable, children, etc.  But here is what I loved about Daybreakers.

It shamelessly exploits every vampire myth you ever heard of.  Stab them through their heart - check.  Sunlight is deadly - check.  Can't see one in the mirror - check.  Cut off their heads - check.  However, it takes all these predictable elements and wraps them up in an almost Marxian social commentary mixed with some original characteristics that you would have never thought of.**

Things I didn't like***: the bloodbath scenes that were utterly unnecessary; the fact that there will almost definitely be a sequel; the lack of a back-story -- how did all those people become vampires in the first place?  What sort of disease/epidemic causes vampirism? 

4/5 Stars


*mostly b/c I suck at writing reviews.
** or at least I wouldn't have, but I'm not a writer
*** in order from most annoying to least