Review: The Horsemen

The Horsemen (2009) starring Dennis Quaid
Minor Spoilers

An apocalyptic biblical themed serial killer movie.  Sounds exciting right? Well, you will be disappointed, or least I was.  The first hour of the movie is boring, and the second half fails to tear at your heartstrings. 

We have your stereotypical overworked dad/detective trying to raise his children after their mother died.  Yeah, sounds familiar I know, even Stargate Universe used it*. He is plodding along and gets involved in a murder case because he has "special knowledge" - the murder was tailor made for him (or was it....?).   In the midst of police procedures or other mundane activities the camera flashes to something bloody.  The directors tried to liven things up with gratuitous images of bloody body parts, but I was not impressed.  I don't mind blood and gore, but it should serve some purpose in the film rather than trying to cover up your pathetic attempts at a thriller. 

I could drag out a long list of things I didn't like about this movie, but I will stick to the main problem.  The film employs absurd plot furthering devices to get the story moving along.  The sudden insights of knowledge, those ah ha moments that worked for Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes, they just aren't believable here.  A man who isn't religious** has this amazing biblical revelation?***  It seemed random.  In another part, the detective has an intimate heartfelt conversation with the daughter of one of the victims, and then suddenly....

Well, I won't tell you what happened, but the point is, it shouldn't have happened, because I cannot believe that a detective would ditch his kids to go meet with some victim's daughter and divulge his soul to her.  Really? The writers couldn't think of any other way to get to the next chapter?!

Finally, the acting was just bad.  I never sympathized with any of the characters.  I wasn't horrified by the evil villain (nor did I feel sorry for this person).  I wasn't moved by the morality speech at the end.  As another review put it, I was really glad when the movie was over.  Oh, and the "surprise" ending? The plot "twists"?  Guessed them all.  Usually I am really bad at this, but these were all based on pretty generic stereotypes, so that made it easier. 

2/5 Stars because I did actually finish watching the movie. 

*I am exaggerating a bit, but there is a character in S.G.U. whose wife died of cancer.
** Though his wife was and he is seen at church he felt more of a "dutiful" church goer than a faithful one. 
*** Pun intended