Review: The Horsemen

The Horsemen (2009) starring Dennis Quaid
Minor Spoilers

An apocalyptic biblical themed serial killer movie.  Sounds exciting right? Well, you will be disappointed, or least I was.  The first hour of the movie is boring, and the second half fails to tear at your heartstrings. 

We have your stereotypical overworked dad/detective trying to raise his children after their mother died.  Yeah, sounds familiar I know, even Stargate Universe used it*. He is plodding along and gets involved in a murder case because he has "special knowledge" - the murder was tailor made for him (or was it....?).   In the midst of police procedures or other mundane activities the camera flashes to something bloody.  The directors tried to liven things up with gratuitous images of bloody body parts, but I was not impressed.  I don't mind blood and gore, but it should serve some purpose in the film rather than trying to cover up your pathetic attempts at a thriller. 

I could drag out a long list of things I didn't like about this movie, but I will stick to the main problem.  The film employs absurd plot furthering devices to get the story moving along.  The sudden insights of knowledge, those ah ha moments that worked for Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes, they just aren't believable here.  A man who isn't religious** has this amazing biblical revelation?***  It seemed random.  In another part, the detective has an intimate heartfelt conversation with the daughter of one of the victims, and then suddenly....

Well, I won't tell you what happened, but the point is, it shouldn't have happened, because I cannot believe that a detective would ditch his kids to go meet with some victim's daughter and divulge his soul to her.  Really? The writers couldn't think of any other way to get to the next chapter?!

Finally, the acting was just bad.  I never sympathized with any of the characters.  I wasn't horrified by the evil villain (nor did I feel sorry for this person).  I wasn't moved by the morality speech at the end.  As another review put it, I was really glad when the movie was over.  Oh, and the "surprise" ending? The plot "twists"?  Guessed them all.  Usually I am really bad at this, but these were all based on pretty generic stereotypes, so that made it easier. 

2/5 Stars because I did actually finish watching the movie. 

*I am exaggerating a bit, but there is a character in S.G.U. whose wife died of cancer.
** Though his wife was and he is seen at church he felt more of a "dutiful" church goer than a faithful one. 
*** Pun intended

R.I.P. Challenge: Peril the First

Read four books in any of the following categories (or whatever you might think is "scary"):

Mystery.
Suspense.
Thriller.
Dark Fantasy.
Gothic.
Horror.
Supernatural.

Despite advice (sorry Carl) to just read one book, I can't help it, I have to go with the 4 book challenge.  I have a few scattered wishlists on various sites, so I decided to go through them to compile pool of potential reads.  

 

Serial killers? Sounds like Halloween to me.

I have heard a lot about this one from various people, and I like many of her other books, so I am hoping it will be as good as everyone has said it is. 

Last year I had City of Saints and Madmen on the list.  I never managed to read it.  I am determined to read Vandermeer one day.

This one is at my house right now, so it is a pretty likely candidate.  Also another book I have heard a lot about. 








Berserk by Tim Lebbon: Not posting the cover because it is too creepy and too late at night right now for me to look at it.  Probably makes it a good choice.

Not sure if this one totally counts, but then again it is a mystery and there are some seriously evil bad guys.  On the other hand, I did start it before the challenge, so maybe that is cheating. 






And as for Peril on Screen, the movie challenge, the next film up on my queue is Daybreakers.

R.I.P Challenge

I fail miserably at this every year.  I never finish reading the books I say I am going to read.  But this year, oh yes, this year I will do it!!  In between the teaching, grant writing, and coursework of course.  But actually this year there is a new film challenge in addition to the book challenge.  I really like scary movies. 

Here is the website that hosts the annual event.

As of right now, I am undecided on which Peril I will go for.  Or even which books I want to read.  But as we know (and you can check the previous RIP posts) I never read the things I say I will read.  So, I might not even make a list this year.  

Cyanide and Michael Jackson

I was poisoned!! I swear this is a true story. I was talked into going to a 80s vs 90s dance party Michael Jackson Birthday Extravaganza.  Before that we met for some beers.  And my friend had this "beef jerky" but it was Chinese.  Well, he had eaten a lot and said it was good, so I thought I would be adventurous and try some.  It tasted like dog food - and I'm not even trying to make some sort of horribly wrong racist joke, it really tasted like dog food mixed with Sweet n Low or some sort of fake sugar.  After I had eaten a small piece, friends decide to look at the ingredients.  One of them was cyanide.  I do not jest.  

Apparently, I have not died yet.  Unless the 80s vs 90s dance party was some sort of contrapasso made especially for me, and I am in fact dead, and that was my hell.  Maybe, since I did end up singing Happy Birthday to Michael Jackson along w/about 100 other people.  And watched several poor souls attempt and FAIL miserably at the moonwalk.  Sad, so sad they were.  However, I have concluded my feet do not hurt enough for that to have been hell.  And I didn't get any beer or other liquid spilled on me. 

Although, isn't cyanide a slow killer?...

In other randomness, words I learned recently:

numismatics: the study of currency

eidolon: a living person's astral double